5 – Independence Day
The box of Rid-it was lying on the desk in the Dee’s den.
“And that little box is supposed to clean the whole house? Jeez Ann! Can’t you do anything right?”
“But it’s guaranteed, Joe! And we don’t pay a cent if it doesn’t work!”
“My god, Ann! How can you believe…”
“Forget it, Joe. Don’t give it a second thought. I’ll
take care of it myself Saturday morning—just leave it on my desk
until Saturday. Then you’ll see if I’m right or not, okay?”
“Saturday? You mean you’re going to wait until then? I have
to put up with all these bugs for two more days?”
“Look, I’m tired and I have some work to do. I’m going to take a quick shower, grab something to eat and then I’m going to go over some notes until I fall asleep. I have absolutely no time nor the inclination to de-bug our house until Saturday.”
“But…”
“No buts!” said Ann decisively. With that she turned on her heel, exited the den through the double sliding doors, and climbed the hall stairs.
“Tch!” Joe clicked his tongue in disgust, turned to the desk, and grabbed the Rid-it. He marched to the kitchen, the box firmly in hand, a determined set to his jaw.
Joe seated himself at the kitchen table and examined the box. On the bottom was written: Warning! Read instructions carefully before using. Joe clicked his tongue again in a display of disregard for the warning. He peeled the cellophane wrapper from the box and pushed it open from one end, just like a matchbox. A dingy yellow glow appeared in the widening crack. As Joe pushed the Rid-it open further, the light changed to a brilliant blue-white ball of energy which domed up from the box. Joe dropped the box in surprise and slid his chair back from the table.
Fingers of energy started reaching out from the enlarging mass of energy. The whole room filled with light, and started to vibrate noticeably. A cupboard door flew open abruptly and Joe jumped to his feet.
The plates and glasses in the cupboard rattled noisily as a silver fish ran for shelter. But its attempt to escape was an exercise in futility. The silverfish was sucked into the air and whisked across the room where it was absorbed by the glowing mass.
By one’s, two’s and more, the cupboard doors flew open. Joe could see the tiny bodies of bugs whizzing through the air, being drawn into the ball of light. He looked around at a room, which was seemingly in total motion, yet only the bugs were sucked into the light. A spider crawling over a paper napkin was pulled to oblivion, but the napkin remained fluttering on the counter.
It was dark in the mudroom, but blue-white fingers of light begin to probe under the door. Then, suddenly, the door burst open and the room was flooded with light. One-by-one the ants were sucked into the air and hurtled uncontrollably into the kitchen. Next, the half-bath door swung open and the medicine cabinet followed suit.
Throughout the house—spiders on lampshades, crickets under carpets, flies on windows—every pest was sought out by the Rid-it glow. Around corners, through doorways, even among the delicate treasures in the china cabinet, the pests were eliminated, one by one. The ever-probing fingers of energy started to climb the stair, tread by tread, entwining the banisters, creeping up the walls—searching. The mouse ran, frightened, just ahead of the advancing light, but it was not fast enough. It clawed at the stairway carpet, managing to keep hold a moment. The struggle could only have one outcome—eventually the mouse tired and plummeted through the air, down the stairwell, into the living room, around a corner into the dinning room, and on into the kitchen, where it was able to grasp the tablecloth for an instant. Joe gazed dumbly at the spectacle, until the mouse lost its grip and disappeared into the light.
Upstairs, Ann was in the shower. She didn’t notice the glow in the bedroom, advancing towards the bath. Closets and drawers slid open. The fingers of energy glided across the floor, some going under the bed skirt and others over the bed and up the walls. Finally the bathroom began to glow with the blue-white energy of Rid-it.
Several roaches were pulled from the drain of the sink and spiraled in the basin a second before whizzing into the air. The shower stall door flung open with a crash, startling Ann. There was a strange sound like a vacuum on the surface of the water. Ann looked down at the drain, which was exuding a writhing, brown mass of wet bodies and legs. Ann cowered into a corner of the stall as the aggregate of life was pulled from the drain and splattered into the air on its way to the waiting doom.
Then, suddenly, the light began to subside. The shower door swung shut, drawers slid back into place.
Down in the kitchen, Joe was still frozen, in awe, as the Rid-it’s quarry whooshed past. Now, often they seem to be hitting him. His hair began to blow towards the table and his clothes seemed to strain in the same direction. His shirt billowed out in the front from the force. Joe was pulled slowly toward the light. He desperately tried to brace himself against the edge of the table, holding himself back from the ball of energy, but his feet lifted up from under him and he found himself doing a summersault through the air and landed, feet first, in the blue-white mass.
The light subsided, falling like a waterfall down the stairwell, with Ann, wrapped in a towel, trailing a couple of steps behind. Room by room, the house came back to order. Ann followed its ebbing tide into the kitchen. The glow finally contracted into the box with a slight “pop,” which then quietly slid itself shut. Ann looked around the room silently for a few moments.
“Joe?” No answer. “JOE!” Still no answer. Ann crossed to the table, lifted the box and examined it before heading to the den.
Ann placed the box on the desk, sat down, opened the center desk drawer and removed a checkbook. With a smile of absolutely, 100% total satisfaction on her face, Ann Dee took a pen from the holder and began to write a check to AAA Pest Control.
For Ann Dee, Independence Day had come early.
– End of AAA Pest Control –
